5 Ways of Giving Feedback Effectively
Feedback is one of the best ways of avoiding wrong assumptions and enriching collaboration, yet, people seldom use it.
Feedback is one of the best ways of avoiding wrong assumptions and enriching collaboration, yet, people seldom use it.
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A massive difference between the digital and business world confuses me. In the digital world, we receive instant feedback for everything we do. Take WhatsApp as an example; you get a confirmation right after you send a message, or you know when your audio message fails to upload, and so on. But in the business world, getting feedback is rare. It’s like an expensive resource that people save for a rainy day.
Knowing when and how to provide meaningful feedback makes our lives and those of others around us more comfortable. Yet, it’s challenging to master this art. In my perception, that’s a problem because the absence of feedback is dangerous as it leaves people on their own to figure out what’s on the other minds.
“We all need people who will give us feedback. That’s how we improve.” — Bill Gates
I used to be reluctant to provide feedback and afraid of offending people, but I’ve learned some techniques that helped me in my career, mainly as a Product Owner. Let me share what I’ve learned, and hopefully, you can apply that in your daily work as well.
What Is Feedback?
Before I jump into my learnings, I feel the need to clarify what feedback means to me. Otherwise, I fear my approach may confuse you.
I hear many people talking about feedback, but I wonder if they are all talking about the same thing. I guess that’s not often the case. Out of curiosity, I googled what feedback means, and I got several different explanations for it. For the purpose of this post, I will share with you what my understanding of feedback is.
Recently I read an article called Communication is Incomplete without Feedback, and the definition of feedback in it resonates with me:
Feedback is the final step of the communication process that ensures the receiver has received the message and interpreted it correctly as it was intended by the sender. It increases the effectiveness of the communication as it permits the sender to know the efficacy of his message.
For me, feedback is what ensures understanding. Without that, we have to rely on our assumptions, and unfortunately, they are often incorrect. If you want to communicate effectively, you better master the art of giving and receiving feedback.
Another important aspect: feedback doesn’t need to be negative. We often miss many opportunities to motivate people because we don’t give enough positive feedback.
Now, let me share with you five simple ways of giving and receiving feedback.
#1 — Take a Stand
Do people around you know where you stand? Reflect on it for a while. As a Product Owner, I always made it clear what was necessary and why. I thought that was enough to start the conversation, but often I got myself trapped in a tricky situation, where we invested our time in pointless discussions.
I used to focus on the factual layer, for example, sharing why we should invest our efforts in validating assumptions instead of building a scalable solution. No matter what I did, I got myself in a stressful situation with the Scrum team. Developers argued why they wanted to make it right from the beginning, and I counter-argued, and we ultimately got nowhere. Why did that happen?
People connect to emotions, not to facts.
For a long time, I didn’t share where I stood emotionally; developers were unaware of the pressure I received as a Product Owner or my fear of building something nobody needed. Once I started sharing my emotional stand, things changed.
Instead of presenting facts, I made it clear how I felt about a particular approach. For example, “I feel pressured to find a solution that will reach the expected outcome. And I am afraid time is not on our side; that overwhelms me.” The Scrum Team immediately connected to my emotions, which let us figure out how to play with the cards on the table.
#2 — Active Listening
How often do you ensure your understanding is valid? Think about it for a bit. In my case, I ended in many pitfalls because I assumed I understood something but didn’t confirm with the other side. Well, my assumptions resulted in frustrations. In most of these cases, a reformulation and a question would have avoided a lot of trouble.
Active listening is vital for Product Owners. It’s a great way of connecting to the other side and ensuring understanding. For example, when someone says something, even if you are sure you understood the message, you rephrase the other’s statement with your words and ask if the other person feels understood. It may seem awkward, but trust me, it’s powerful.
When we listen to the other side carefully, we ensure we are talking about the same things. The result is clarity, and then we can progress without confusion. That’s the beauty of active listening. But I confess when I first practiced that, I felt a bit stupid as I was rephrasing the others, but within the time, I only wish I had learned that before.
“To say that a person feels listened to means a lot more than just their ideas get heard. It’s a sign of respect. It makes people feel valued.”
— Deborah Tannen, author and professor of linguistics, Georgetown University
A fundamental part of active listening is to assume positive intent because it facilitates communication. Feedback is a way of ensuring understanding, and there should be no intention of hurting the other side, yet, people can be easily intimidated by it.
#3 — Show Borders
I’ve worked with self-managing teams for a decade, and what I noticed is a common misunderstanding. Often, people confuse self-managing with a lack of organization. For me, that’s not the case. I believe a team has a higher chance of unleashing their potential once they have clarity on the goal they are pursuing and set agreements on how to function as a team. However, keeping the agreements alive is a challenging task yet an excellent opportunity to practice feedback.
Agreements are ground rules for teams to work. For example, are we building something to learn or to scale? What time do we have our Daily Scrum? How often do we have refinement sessions? These require joint agreements with team members, but the challenge is keeping agreements alive once a team member breaks them.
In the feedback language, showing borders means calling team members out whenever they cross the line. Let me share an example, I’ve worked on many Minimum Viable Products, and the goal was clear to validate a set of assumptions before building the whole product. Yet, stakeholders always pushed for something else, and developers wanted to make it right from the beginning.
As a Product Owner, I used our MVP agreement to ensure focus. I simply stated, “We agreed on building an MVP, and I am annoyed whenever we start discussing details that are disconnected to our initial goal.” I would be lying if I said I faced no resistance, but bringing the team’s agreement to the table made it easier for me to solve the conflict.
When someone breaks an agreement, it’s vital to show the borders immediately. It might be hard to find the right words, but I learned that being transparent and sharing your emotional state makes communication smooth. To make it easier to show borders, think like Batman.
“He’s the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we’ll hunt him…Because he can take it…Because he’s not our hero. He’s a silent guardian, a watchful protector…A dark knight.”
— Jim Gordon, ‘The Dark Knight’.
#4 — Ask for Feedback
There’s nothing worse than presenting something and receiving no feedback. As a Product Owner, I’ve faced a similar situation several times. I either pitched an idea or brought something to refine with the team, and I got no feedback. If I get no reaction, how would I know whether my message went through?
From my experience, people long for feedback, but they rarely ask for it. Sometimes we may get feedback without asking, but why don’t we just ask for it if we long for feedback?
Asking for feedback is a way of getting resonance from people you work with. For example, sometimes I start talking, and I see people slowly getting distracted, then I stop, and I ask, “I am missing your participation. What could I do to get your attention?” Another example is when people say they understood, but their faces tell otherwise; in these cases, I often ask, “Your face tells me you’re confused. What confuses you?” People often react and share what puzzles them, and that allows me to ensure understanding.
Don’t wait for feedback. Ask for it.
“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.”
— Bernard Baruch, American financier and presidential advisor
#5 — Provide Feedback
One of the most complex parts of feedback is understanding the difference between observation and interpretation. To provide effective feedback, you need to share your observation and what effect it had on you. However, providing an interpretation may seem judgemental and unwelcome by the other part.
It’s critical to understand what an observation is. Although that may seem trivial, it’s easy to mix it up with an interpretation and make your feedback weak.
For example, imagine someone is pitching an idea for a new feature, and while presenting, the person is jumping back and forth, and you cannot follow her anymore. That would be an observation, it’s the same for everyone in the room, and the interpretation would contain why you believe the person is jumping back and forth.
Here is how I would provide feedback for the previous situation: “You lost me when you jumped back and forth during your presentation. I couldn’t follow you as I got confused”. Meaningful feedback contains the observation and the result. I find it helpful to share your emotional state to make clear the impact caused by it.
A key aspect of effective feedback is asking for permission before sharing it. First, indicate you have feedback and ask permission to give it, and then share it only when the person has agreed. When the person accepts receiving the feedback, you have the room to get your message through.
“Average players want to be left alone. Good players want to be coached. Great players want to be told the truth.”
— Doc Rivers, American Basketball Coach
Final Thoughts
Providing and receiving feedback can be intimidating. Words can hurt more than anything else. Yet, the absence of feedback can be even more harmful. Confusion is the mother of most frustrations.
The best way of mastering the feedback art is by doing it. My key learning is to stay true to yourself, share your observations and how you feel about it. Don’t judge the others, and don’t let them guess what their actions trigger on you; share where you stand.
Feedback is key to meaningful communication. Without it, confusion becomes the king. To communicate effectively, feedback should be provided as often as needed.