Facing Reality is Tough, but Necessary!
If we want to evolve, facing harsh realities can push us to become better versions of ourselves.
If we want to evolve, facing harsh realities can push us to become better versions of ourselves.
It was a cold winter day in February this year. I woke up sad because my wife had to fly to Moscow. I didn’t feel well about it. Somehow I knew what was about to happen. I got emotional. I did my best to remain stable without any success. The trip was supposed to be only for a couple of weeks. However, life decided to be hard with us. Until this month (July 2020), we are still apart.
A series of events brought us this tough situation. It all started when we got married last Summer in Germany. Being a foreign couple (Brazil and Russia), we knew that paperwork would take some time. However, we underestimated the complexity of it.
In February, my wife went to Moscow to finish the last bureaucratic steps. Not surprisingly, it took longer than expected. Long enough to face the Covid-19 outbreak, meaning that Europe entered in a full lockdown in March. Such event left me alone in Munich, working from home without contacting anyone, while my wife was locked in Russia.
“Sometimes life is going to hit you in the head with a brick. Don’t lose faith.” — Steve Jobs
I wondered what am I going to do in this situation? The reality was too hard to face, I wanted to ignore it, but I couldn’t. The harsh fact is that I ended up being alone in a foreign country without my beloved ones. What to do about it? Odds of going into depression were high. But something allowed me to use this situation in my favor. Facing the harsh reality was the secret.
“Time is like a river that carries us forward into encounters with reality that require us to make decisions. We can’t stop our movement down this river and we can’t avoid those encounters. We can only approach them in the best possible way.”
― Ray Dalio, Principles: Life and Work
Facing reality as harsh as it is
At the beginning of March, I was anxious. I had some hope that I would spend my birthday together with my wife. It’d be possible if the paperwork was a little faster, which didn’t happen. Instead, one week after my birthday Europe started a full lockdown. Nobody comes in, and nobody goes out. One bad news after the other, stocks market crashing, lockdown, and so on. The world faces a pandemic, and I didn’t want to face reality.
Despite all of the facts, I was still optimistic. I was ignoring the reality, and I believed my wife and I would be together soon. I had some hope we would celebrate her birthday together in April, which also didn’t happen. My disappointments were steadily growing because of me. I was creating more and more false expectations. It was time to face reality. It was time to understand what I could do about it.
Until April, I had an ordinary routine, and of course, doing everything I could to ignore the truth. The change came once I listened to the audiobook Principles from Ray Dalio. I understood the importance of feeling the pain, then facing reality as harsh as it is. Thus, we should ask ourselves what can we do about it?
“Every time you confront something painful, you are at a potentially important juncture in your life — you have the opportunity to choose healthy and painful truth or unhealthy but comfortable delusion.”
― Ray Dalio, Principles: Life and Work
I was living in a comfortable delusion. I was too afraid to accept what was happening. However, I noticed I was missing the chance to become stronger. I could become a better version of myself, but I needed first to feel the pain that I was running away from it.
The time had come to feel the pain. I stopped and waited for the inevitable pain. I got emotional; it is tough to be apart from my wife. It hurts to be alone, without knowing when social contact will be possible again. My family is in Brazil, which brings me endless concerns. I concluded; this moment is the toughest I’ve ever lived. Nevertheless, I needed to answer one question: What am I going to do about it?
“Pain + Reflection = Progress”― Ray Dalio, Principles
The turning point
After I understood how difficult the situation was, I had to do something about it. I could not change what happened, but I could strive to become a better version of myself. So, I reflected on the options. It came one thought from Steve Jobs to my mind: do what you love.
After thinking about what I love, immediately, I remembered 2017 when I gave lessons in the Business Analysis MBA in Brazil. I realized I missed that so much. Then, I explored what I could do. I am passionate about knowledge sharing, and I love helping people to thrive.
“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”
— Steve Jobs
As it got clear to me what I love doing. I started sharing my thoughts on Medium. I decided that I would write at least two stories a week. The more I wrote, the more I wanted to do it. I felt I was doing something meaningful. Once we share something, we also learn more. So I kept doing that. In three months, I posted 30+ stories.
Like Steve Jobs said, follow your heart. When I started writing, I published alone. Lately, I’ve joined major publications like UX Collective, Serious Scrum, The Startup, Product Coalition, and The Ascent. So many people helped me with my writing. I am continually learning from more experienced writers. Step by step, I improve my writing skills. The critical part is to start.
I learned that facing reality as harsh; it can be painful. However, after we do it, we create a space, which allows us to evolve, to become better. If we choose to ignore the truth, we miss the chance of thriving. At best, we remain stuck, but the odds are that we become even worse. Don’t fall into the trap of creating a comfortable delusion; allow yourself to evolve.
Endnote
Once I understood pain is temporary, I created a space in my mind to explore opportunities to evolve. The situation is still harsh. However, I keep moving forward. It’s all about answering the question. What am I going to do about it? We are responsible for our next steps, ignoring the truth blocks us from moving forward.
“Life’s not about how hard of a hit you can give… it’s about how many you can take, and still keep moving forward.”
― Sylvester Stallone, Rocky Balboa
Special thanks to Fabricio Teixeira, Maarten Dalmijn, Willem-Jan Ageling, and Sjoerd Nijland, who help me a lot to become a better writer. Your advice and reviews help me significantly with how I share my ideas.