Learn How to Say No If You Want to Thrive
The more you say yes, the less you can focus
“Every yes you say is a responsibility you get. And every no is a decision you make.” - James Clear, Author of Atomic Habits
Let’s start this episode with a quick reflection:
How often do you say no to requests you receive?
How well do people accept your rejection?
How often do you say yes to new activities?
How does saying yes contribute to remaining focused?
I learned the above questions a few years ago, and my first reflection scared me. I realized that I said yes three times more than I said no. Worse, my saying no created distance between people and me. I still use the same questions to reflect on collaboration and ensure I remain focused.
Understanding Focus
“People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully.” - Steve Jobs
Creating successful digital products requires focus. The more you focus, the quicker you can uncover value drivers. Yet, everyone will push you to do more things simultaneously.
I wish people would understand the cost of context switching. It destroys your potential. Let’s look at the following image to understand it better.
Now, let me be clear. The more often you say yes, the more you switch context, consequently achieving less than possible. That’s why learning how to say no is a superpower product people must develop.
A Flawed Strategy of Saying No
When I learned about the cost of context switching, I realized I had to start saying no more often. I came up with a simple strategy:
Say no three times to any request
If the person comes back the fourth time, engage in a conversation
I dramatically reduced my context switching. But guess what else happened?
I received a nickname: The Business Blocker.
Business people got fed up with me and loaded my director with complaints. How did that happen? My approach focused solely on saying no while failing to sustain the relationship. The real challenge is to say no without hurting the relationship.
A Better Strategy for Saying No
As I learned my first strategy was flawed, I had to figure out a different one. Out of the blue, something clicked. People hate being rejected because we love being in control. We want to make decisions. What does that mean?
Help people say no to themselves.
When you help people reject their requests, they commit to it, and the relationship remains sustainable, yet that’s easier said than done. You’ve got to find anchors, meaning you have some homework to do.
Clarify your current goal
Ensure understanding of your strategy
Know what matters and what doesn’t
Now, here’s my technique. Engage in a conversation, but ask questions that force reflection. Here are my favorite questions:
How does it contribute to your current goal?
How does it align with our strategy?
What’s the expected outcome of it?
Which evidence do you have supporting your request?
What drives your confidence up?
When you ask the above, people will reflect. There is a high chance they lack answers, which allows you to ask, “Should we invest time in something unrelated to our goal? I’d have a hard time defending that.” Or, “Without substantial evidence, we’re making a strong bet. How would we justify doing that?”
Product management is about filtering out bad ideas to focus on the good ones.
Reflection
Take a few minutes to reflect on the following questions:
Is your backlog similar to a kid’s Christmas wishlist, or does it reflect your current goal?
Do you keep adding tasks to your responsibilities, or do you dare to remove things whenever a new one comes in?
When you say no to someone, does the relationship deteriorate, or does the person support you?
The more your answers are to the left, the more you can benefit from developing your ability to say no.
Let’s rock the product world together!
Here are a few ways I can help you even more:
Upgrade your subscription to Premium and get one deeply thought newsletter per month (20+ minutes reading) plus access to 300+ episodes.
Join my cohort, Product Discovery Done Right
Have a lovely day