What Can You Learn From FBI Negotiation Techniques?
A powerful book to improve your negotiation skills, ‘Never Split the Difference,’ by Chris Voss
A powerful book to improve your negotiation skills, ‘Never Split the Difference,’ by Chris Voss
For months Audible has been persuading me with the book Never Split the Difference, but somehow, I didn’t buy it. However, last Christmas, my brother surprised me with this book as a present; he knows how keen I am on reading books that help me develop myself. After reading it, I only wish I had done it before. The content is engaging and revealing.
“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.”
― Chris Voss
Chris Voss was a top FBI hostage negotiator, and he came up with a negotiation framework applicable in many spheres. His techniques are useful everywhere you need to negotiate, e.g., asking for a salary increase, acquiring real estate, buying a car, or whatever you imagine else you imagine negotiating.
During this post, I want to share with you what I learned from the book, as well as what I have already tried out. I hope you can benefit from it.
1. Getting the Other Side’s Attention
The first challenge of any negotiation is getting your counterpart’s attention. People are busy; they have a lot on their minds. Therefore, obtaining their full attention is hard. No matter what kind of negotiation you are in, you cannot progress if your counterpart is distracted. The question is, how can you get the other person’s attention?
What I learned from the book is quite obvious yet often overlooked. For example, people usually search for a “yes” to open the conversation. Consider someone trying to sell you a professional development course. A common question would be: “Do you want to develop yourself and become an expert in your area?” You may answer yes and still don’t give your attention to the salesperson. However, if the salesperson asks: “Do you want to become irrelevant in the market?” you’d probably say no, and be more curious about what else the salesperson has to say.
People give 10x more energy to avoid losing something than they would give to gain something.
I tried this strategy out. I wanted to collaborate with somebody. However, I was ignored for weeks. Then, I sent a message with a single question: “Did you give up on our collaboration?” I got an answer within minutes.
2. Use The Power of Mirrors
Many people think negotiation is about convincing or persuading. This is a faulty perception. Good negotiators aren’t bullish, as you may imagine, but they are great listeners and lead the other side to share as much information as possible. But how do you get the other side to open up? Mirror them.
“Repeat the last three words (or the critical one to three words) of what someone has just said. We fear what’s different and are drawn to what’s similar. Mirroring is the art of insinuating similarity, which facilitates bonding.”
― Chris Voss
When you mirror someone, the person will share more information, which will benefit you. Let me share one situation I lived recently experienced with one of my clients:
Client: “I need the feature X done by tomorrow.”
David: “By tomorrow?”
Client: “Yes, it’s critical because my stakeholders need to see progress.”
David: “See progress?”
Client: “Exactly. They need to know what we have achieved and where we stand in terms of budget.”
David: “Hum… It seems like they need clarity.”
Client: “Well, clarity is what they long, but I thought that surprising them with a new feature tomorrow would be helpful.”
By mirroring the client, I discovered what he wanted to achieve and didn’t need to hurry up. I helped him achieve his goal and didn’t get stressed out.
3. Ask Calibrated Questions
Asking the right questions is key to success with negotiations. A great negotiator understands when and how to ask questions that can change the negotiation course. It’s rarely about finding the correct answer but coming up with the right question.
It’s not only about what you ask, but how you do it. There’s a rule of 7–38–55, 7% verbal communication, 38% tonality, and 55% body language. And to make it a little more complex, some questions scare people and put them on a defensive mode, e.g., “why” is perceived as judgemental; it would be more efficient to ask “what causes you to think that?”
What and how questions open a conversation and make your counterpart think. A calibrated question will force the other side to reflect and sometimes even bid against themselves. Here are some examples:
How am I supposed to do it?
What can you do about this?
What are the reasons you cannot do this?
How do you justify your reasons?
“Another simple rule is, when you are verbally assaulted, do not counterattack. Instead, disarm your counterpart by asking a calibrated question.”
― Chris Voss
4. Empathize
Another vital aspect of negotiation; people open up when they feel understood. Empathy is powerful. But be careful; it’s not about agreeing with your counterpart’s position but comprehending what leads her to that.
“The beauty of empathy is that it doesn’t demand that you agree with the other person’s ideas”
― Chris Voss
Also, don’t confuse empathy with manipulation. It’s about genuinely understanding the other side. Make sure your counterpart feels you understand her. A way of empathizing is using labels.
For example, the person says, “Well. I think your offer is nice, but I need to refrain about it.” However, you observed the person was hesitant with the words; you can label that, “It seems something discomforts you. I feel you hesitant.” Your counterpart may open up and share more details with you, and then you can set your next move.
5. Don’t Accept Compromises
Before reading this book, I used to think that a win-win was the best possible outcome of negotiations. I perceived it as fair for both sides, but I overlooked something. In win-win negotiations, both sides tend to make compromises to come to a deal, and unfortunately, that results in mediocrity for both sides. Sometimes, no deal is better than compromise.
Many times it’s better to have no deal at all than have a mediocre outcome.
The following example can illustrate what compromises lead to:
“A woman wants her husband to wear black shoes with his suit. But her husband doesn’t want to; he prefers brown shoes. So what do they do? They compromise, they meet halfway. And, you guessed it, he wears one black and one brown shoe. Is this the best outcome? No! In fact, that’s the worst possible outcome. Either of the two other outcomes — black or brown — would be better than the compromise.”
― Chris Voss
Endnote
Negotiation requires preparation, attention, and emotional intelligence. You can follow a standard technique and yet get different results all the time. Another key learning from Never Split the Difference is learning how to speak the language your counterpart cares about.
We are often told to treat others as we wish to be treated. With negotiations, forget about it. Treat others as they want to be treated, even though that is not what you would prefer for yourself.
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