Why Do People Leave Their Jobs?
The book ‘Five languages of appreciation’ answers what demotivates people so that they change their jobs.
The book ‘Five languages of appreciation’ answers what demotivates people so that they change their jobs.
Do companies really know why their employees leave them? Whenever you ask managers, they generally say something like, “She got a higher salary, which we can’t afford.” Yet, I would ask: is salary the main reason?
Paul White & Gary Chapman believe salary is not the reason. In the book Five languages of appreciation, they explored in-depth the reasons people exchange their jobs are. Surprisingly, the most common answer is not money but appreciation. If people don’t feel appreciated, they will ultimately leave their jobs.
“But the number one factor in job satisfaction is not the amount of pay we receive but whether or not we feel appreciated and valued for the work we do.”
— Gary Chapman & Paul White
Let me share with you the insights I got from this book. Hopefully, you will benefit from my review and apply it in your situation.
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Companies Don’t Know How to Appreciate Their Employees.
Many organizations think they value employees because they offer a recognition program. Recognition is different than appreciation. For example, after five years of working together, giving an award doesn’t mean the employee will feel appreciated.
“While recognition focuses on what the person does, appreciation focuses on who the person is.” — Garry Chapman & Paul White
Generic recognition programs don’t help employees feel valued. The challenge is beyond that; everyone has a favorite way of feeling valued. Paul White and Garry Chapman explained that we have a primary and a secondary language of appreciation.
When our leaders communicate correctly to us, they hit the mark, and we feel appreciated. But we also have the least preferred language, which we don’t care about at all. That’s why generic recognition programs miss the point.
“We believe that people in the workplace need to feel appreciated in order for them to enjoy their job, do their best work, and continue working over the long haul.” — Garry Chapman & Paul White
Let me guide you through the five languages of appreciation and how to understand them.
If you are curious about this book, you can purchase it here.
1. Words of Appreciation
The most common way of communicating appreciation is with words. But here, we need to be careful. Generic communication doesn’t work. For example, when companies send an e-mail to all employees saying how proud they are for their contribution to the company’s success, people won’t feel valued because it doesn’t address them directly.
“If praise is to be effective, it must be specific.” — Garry Chapman & Paul White
Although words of appreciation are the preferred way for most of us, we fail to be specific. For example, the company CEO will have a low impact influencing a business analyst because they don’t work together. Words of appreciation require context; when the leader or the colleagues share position feedback, we can connect to it and feel appreciated.
A simple hand-written card can be powerful because it’s direct.
Unfortunately, many companies opt to recognize people’s achievements in front of a big audience. That could easily backfire if the employee doesn’t feel the words as genuine ones.
2. Quality Time
The second most common language of appreciation is quality time. Many people value spending meaningful time with their colleagues. But don’t confuse quality time with company events. People long for undivided attention; that’s what leads to the appreciation feeling.
“Give them your undivided attention when you are talking to them (don’t multitask).”— Garry Chapman & Paul White
It’s not about how much time the leader or colleagues spend with the others. It’s about how meaningful the time is. A fifteen-minute exchange of undivided attention is more powerful than a three-hour meeting with the whole group.
3. Acts of Service
How many times have you heard someone sharing how overwhelmed she is? When people share such situations, it’s a sign they expect you to help them. Some people feel appreciated once you demonstrate you care about their work. It’s not about how much effort you put into helping, but the attitude you present towards their work.
“Don’t tell me you care; show me.” — Garry Chapman & Paul White
Acts of service is a common second preferred language for most people. Still, people won’t ask for help; they will demonstrate in different ways. Leaders and colleagues should read the signs and react to them. Then, the employee will feel understood and appreciated.
4. Tangible Gifts
Only a few people have tangible gifts as a favorite language of appreciation. Still, you have to be careful because just giving presents doesn’t mean the other will feel appreciated.
People who value gifts feel appreciated once you understand what they like. Once you give a personalized present to a colleague, she will feel seen because you know what makes her happy.
Yet, companies insist on providing generic gifts, e.g., a bottle of wine. In this case, employees couldn’t care less because they invested no time making that personal.
5. Physical Touch
The last language of appreciation is a little tricky because some people feel invaded if you touch them. Still, a few people long for a physical touch to feel connected—for example, fist bumps, back pads, strong hand-shakes.
Our current situation doesn’t allow us to provide physical touch. We live in a new normal; a lot of people are working remotely. The alternative is to show intentions of physical touch to people who value that.
Final Thoughts
Companies cannot underestimate the importance of appreciating their people correctly. It’s challenging indeed challenging to provide tailor-made communication. Yet, that’s what heavily determines employee engagement.
Great leaders strive to understand how to appreciate each member of their team. Not only that, they aim for an environment of proper appreciation, where people know how best to value their colleagues.
“Anyone can make a difference in their workplace, regardless of their position.”
— Gary Chapman & Paul White