Using the Power of Feedback
Simplifying how you give and receive feedback
During an interview for a Senior Product Manager, I got this question. And I froze before I could answer it. I was afraid of showing my weaknesses and losing my chance of getting the job, but my guts pushed me to be open. And I answered:
“Some years ago, my manager asked me to give him product screenshots of our last release. I didn’t get what he wanted that for, but I didn’t ask enough questions. I prepared a document with screenshots and gave it to him. It took seven minutes, and he came to me and said, I’m disappointed with the quality of the work you sent me because it doesn’t match your potential.”
“The feedback got me reflective, not defensive. I wanted to know more. Since that day, I have ensured an understanding of expectations before acting, and I no longer compromise quality.”
Critical feedback with a genuine intention of helping can change someone’s life forever. That’s what happened to me.
After all these years, the one thing that differentiates great leaders from bad ones is their ability to give feedback.
Great leaders help people grow, and bad leaders diminish them. The difference lies in how you provide feedback.
Let me help you understand constructive criticism and how to give and receive it. By the end of this post, you will be equipped to help people grow and open to receiving feedback you don’t want but need.
What’s constructive criticism, and how it differs from negative criticism or unhelpful feedback?
I’ve worked with thousands of professionals in my life, and most of them would say there’s no such thing as constructive criticism. They perceived critical feedback as something back. I don’t blame them because only a few people know how to provide valuable feedback.
Constructive criticism aims to help the person grow. It addresses a situation, not the person. It provides an observation, not an interpretation. It’s specific and not general. The result of critical feedback is a reflection and a chance to grow.
Negative criticism is precisely the opposite of constructive one. It’s unhelpful and tends to be judgemental. The result is rejection from the one receiving it, and the relationship deteriorates.
Examples of constructive criticism in the workplace
Let me picture a situation and give you the different types of feedback, good and bad.
You’re a team lead, and now you’re about to sign a new customer, which will change your business forever. To make it happen, you need to have a demo with your customer of what your product can do for them. You assigned your most experienced team member to get the job done. You both agreed on the expected results and delivery window.
Time passed by, and your team member started ghosting you. But then, the delivery date comes, and you’re told the team needs more time because some unpredictable things happen, and they cannot meet the expectations.
How would you give feedback in this situation?
Negative criticism: “Are you out of your mind? I gave you a deadline and strictly told you this is our chance, and you’re screwing up. I’m sure you were not doing the work the way I told you to. And now, you bring me the bad news, and I’m left to clean the mess. Thanks for your bad work.”
Constructive criticism: “I’m truly disappointed with this situation. When we talked about expectations and delivery window, you committed to it. So I trusted you. I also tried to offer help but got no reply from you. And today, you bring bad news. My hands are tied, and I feel powerless. We’re about to lose this contract. What can we do here?”
Negative criticism attacks the person and creates no room for a solution. On the contrary, it makes the situation worse.
Positive criticism makes the situation and impacts clear. Then, it creates room to find a solution.
Techniques for giving constructive criticism effectively
Valuable feedback requires structure. You cannot expect wordy feedback to get the job done. You need to be concise.
I’ve tried some formats. Some worked, and some didn’t. Let me share the ones that work for me.
Let’s create a scenario on a personal level at work. A new colleague joined the team, but nobody invited her to share lunchtime. She’s feeling bad about it, and the team lead noticed that.
Situation
A simple one is a situation, behavior, and impact.
The team lead could come to one of the team members and share, “As the new team member joined, she’s having lunch alone (situation). And despite you being her buddy, you didn’t invite her for lunch (behavior). Now, she’s demotivated.”
Note the feedback is on point. You see only facts and no accusations.
Emotions
I like this format the best. It’s about naming the situation, behavior, and what you made with you. The key is to stay with yourself.
In this case, the best manner is for the new employee to share the feedback with her buddy. For example, “Since a month we work together (situation), you go for lunch with everyone else, and I’m not invited (behavior). I feel ignored, and that hurts me.”
This format helps others know your emotions, and people connect to emotions. It opens a conversation, and it helps improve the situation.
Common mistakes
Giving feedback is challenging. We can easily fall into traps and miss the point. It’s inevitable to face such mistakes, but learning from them is a choice you can make.
Here are the most common mistakes while giving feedback:
Time: Great feedback is actionable. Time is of the essence to reach that. When you give feedback too late, nothing can be done, but when you provide it promptly, it’s possible to evolve faster and change the course of action.
Accusation: You may interpret why someone did something or why not, but that’s an accusation because you don’t know. Feedback needs to be based on observation, not an accusation. Focus on what you and everyone around you can observe, not what you interpret.
Generalization: Keep it as specific as possible. When you say, “Your work is bad,” it’s a generalization, and a fight starts. When you say, “Your last deliverable had mistakes like X, Y, and Z. That lowered the quality and credibility.” This is actionable and precise.
Solution: Providing solutions during feedback is common, but that’s not helpful. When you give feedback, first, the person needs to process and accept it. The solution is better coming from the person, and you may exchange about it.
Public: As the saying goes, praise in public and criticism in private. That applies to feedback. Some companies like Netflix encourage critical public feedback, but that’s more the exception than the rule. You need to understand your scenario to choose where to share your feedback. Keeping it private is a good rule of thumb because it helps people digest it easier.
Receiving Feedback
I see much emphasis on giving feedback, but receiving it is equally important. For example, I tended to remain defensive whenever someone gave me feedback, but that changed, and I will tell you why.
When someone gives you feedback, assume intent to help. Despite how harsh the words may sound, don’t fight, be curious.
Curiosity is the secret to receiving feedback. That keeps an open mind attitude and will avoid defensiveness. Let me give you a real example that I received the other day.
“This post is one of the worst things I’ve ever read in my life. It’s nonsense and pointless.”
When I first read that, I got angry and offended, but then I thought I might have something to learn from that and answered, “Sorry to read that. Would you mind sharing what made you perceive this post like that?”
Curiously, after my question, the person dropped me a private message saying, “I have a high degree of autism, and I struggle with words. I disliked when you called backlog managers a trap because that’s what I do, and I think I bring value with that. You triggered me with your strong words.”
My learning: voice tonality triggers some people, and I realized I could find a better choice of words for next time.
Be curious. Ask clarifying questions that will disarm the “offender” and bring to an understanding. Some examples:
Could you give me an example?
Could you share the exact situation with me?
Would you mind sharing what you expected from me?
Conclusion and key takeaways
Giving and receiving feedback is an art. Once you master it, success and growth are ahead of you.
The challenge is that sometimes the world is silent, and you struggle to receive feedback. When that happens, ask people. A beautiful question, “Any feedback to me?” or “Anything I can do better next time?”
Inviting people to give you feedback helps you grow.
When providing feedback, remain objective and stay with yourself. Don’t accuse people. Make them reflect and have a genuine interest in helping them grow.
I finish this post by asking you the same question I got from the hiring manager some years ago: “What did your last critical feedback make with you?”
Hi David! I’m confused by the wording of the question “What did your last critical feedback make with you?” Was the interviewer asking you to tell a story about a time you received critical feedback? Was she asking about how you received the feedback, including how you felt after receiving it? Thanks, Paul. (P.S. this post really resonates with me; the importance of team psychological safety and how “negative” criticism or “solution-prescriptive” feedback erodes it. And also how truthful, challenging feedback actually builds team trust. Spot on David!)