Why Stakeholder Management Fails (and What Works Instead)

A battle-tested approach to building trust, clarity, and results

If you’re still managing stakeholders, you’re set to fail.

The old playbook no longer works in modern product management. It’s time for a change.

How do you perceive the term stakeholder management?

I don’t know about you, but I’ve got an adverse opinion about it. This term sucks.

Yes, it sucks.

But why?

1. A stakeholder is anyone or anything that has any relation whatsoever with your product or service.

2. People hate being managed.

Now, I get to the point.

Many product folks out there receive demands to improve their stakeholder management skills. They receive feedback that stakeholders are unhappy, indicating that they need to be better managed. Seriously? That’s outdated.

If you’re working with digital products, it’s all about people and collaboration. You do need to figure out how to build sustainable relationships and rock together. Yet, that isn’t about pleasing everybody.

The challenge is that you will rarely thrive with a classic stakeholder management approach. Let’s talk about what we should do instead.

Don’t Put Everyone Inside the Same Box

The umbrella term stakeholder is more misleading than helpful. Why do I say that?

Have you ever felt that doing whatever the business wants is your job?

That often happens because of the misconception that pleasing stakeholders is the job of product people.

You need sharp communication combined with clarity to thrive in the product game. And you cannot achieve that with umbrella terms and jargon.

Let’s reframe the term stakeholders and adopt an easier language.

Long ago, I stopped using the word ‘stakeholder’. Here’s how I relate to different parties involved in this game:

• Business: Anyone from the organisation who contributes to the product’s success. For example, marketing, legal, finance, and so on.

• Customer: Anyone paying to use your product or services.

• User: Those interacting with the service, but not necessarily paying for it. This is especially important in B2B products, where the buyer is often not the end-user.

• Shareholder: Anyone who has a stake in the business, whether directly or indirectly.

• Leadership (C-level or execs): Those setting the direction because of strong decision-making power. I often separate them from business as they have a stronger influence.

• Product team: Those who get things delivered to customers.

The moment you use clear words, you avoid unnecessary confusion. Here’s a core lesson for you.

Business people are neither your customers nor enemies. They’re your partners.

Build Partnerships Instead of Becoming a Service Provider

With a mindset of managing stakeholders, you will inevitably:

• Lock yourself in meetings that you only want to run away from

• Create a backlog full of items unrelated to each other

• Foster expectations you can never match

How does the above relate to your reality?

If that hits home, you’re not alone. It’s been my reality for a long time, too.

You can change your results by changing your attitude.

Let’s move from managing to aligning.

You want to ensure clear alignment with those you work with.

Here are a few things you can do:

1. Build relationships before you need them → Talk to business people to learn about what they do and what’s important to them. Be a good listener, as this will help you collaborate effectively when the time comes.

2. Understand what they want → Everyone wants something, and they will only take action when it relates to that. We tend to push our wants without understanding the other side. You will be better positioned to get people to help you once it aligns with their wants.

3. Make them feel important → Everyone wants to feel important. What could you do to make that happen? Appreciate what legal does, and how marketing gets more sign-ups, and how finance keeps operations smooth. You’ve got to mean it.

You want to collaborate closely with people so they feel they can rely on you.

Know When to Use 1:1 and When to Get Everyone to the Room

I see many product managers talking to business 1:1 exclusively. What happens is that different people have different objectives. And then, you’re in the middle of the crossfire and don’t know what to do.

You should run 1:1s with business, but within the objective of building partnerships, not collecting requests. To create alignment, you need to get everyone in the same room.

Let me share a brief story with you.

The Prioritization Mess

Everyone wanted everything done by yesterday, and I was drowning in the backlog. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I felt like I had to choose who to please, and who to piss off.

Then, I had a realization: I got it all wrong. My real job wasn’t to fulfill everybody's wants, but to prioritize what would maximize the impact. It may sound obvious now, and ridiculous I didn’t notice it before, but that unlocked alignment.

I used to talk to each business area one-on-one, and they would load me with requests. But I changed, I invited everybody to a call named Prioritization Decision.

Everyone arrived on time (perhaps because I had mentioned that we’d decide what to do for the upcoming month). I wrote on the board the most significant challenge I knew we had, and said: “We lose 50% of our customers after their second order. That’s something critical, and I need your help to prioritize what to work on next.”

I stayed silent for a bit and everyone nodded, then I continued. “Our challenges start with your expectations—more to do than capacity. What we need to achieve before we hang up today is alignment. What should we focus on, and how to collaborate? I need your help with that?”

Another pause from me, but at this time, I waited. I confess it was hard, as it took about 33 seconds for someone to speak up. The sales director said, “Disconsider my requests for now, they will not contribute to solving the current challenges.” That was the first win.

A bit later, another person chimed in with the same approach. However, an argument between operations and customer support soon ensued. I moderated and observed. Eventually, we agreed.

Before we left the room, we had everyone aligned on what to do, and, more importantly, what not to do.

That was the first prioritization session with key business areas, and it eventually became a recurring event. I refined the approach by presenting suggestions based on data and discoveries. Still, the objective remained the same: to reach alignment so that nobody would pressure my team to do unrelated things.

Lesson: Get everyone in the room to build alignment.

A Few More Words

I was a software engineer before becoming a product manager. And I only became one because one random CEO liked how I communicated; he told me, “You make complex things simple to understand. That’s the job of a solid product manager.”

That happened in 2011, long ago. But I still keep this lesson in my mind. Communication is the core skill of any product manager.

Continue to sharpen your communication to foster alignment.

When there’s noise, you get the signs and make them clear to everyone.

When there’s confusion, you create clarity.

When everyone complicates things, you simplify that.

Keep sharpening your toolbox, day by day, and you will grow.

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Now, if you want to become the product leader that execs cannot ignore, I’m opening another cohort of my 100X PM Mastermind in October. The last one was powerful; people are already feeling heard and advancing their careers.

You can apply here. And I will review your application.

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I’ve spent the last ten years running very early-stage startups, and as a result, I have had a lot of product involvement, but I have never had any formal product training.

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David’s 100X PM Mastermind was a truly valuable and fun experience.

What stood out most was how thoughtfully the program was designed - not just in the structure of the sessions, but in David’s personal commitment to the growth of each participant.

He brings a great blend of honesty, experience, and genuine care for the craft of product management. David kept the sessions engaging and actionable with a variety of formats: hands-on exercises, real-world examples, and open discussion.

I especially appreciated the small, tight-knit group format, which created a safe and energizing space for reflection, challenge, and growth. There’s always more to learn, but this mastermind gave me tangible tools and perspectives I’ve already started applying.

I’d recommend it to any product manager looking to level up with intention, sharpen their strategic thinking, and surround themselves with a global group of other product managers on the same journey.

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Shall we rock together?